In what area of your life are you being humbled? Don't fear, God is here. He'll honor you if you stay faithful...stay committed...and long to do His will.
Currently, it's a time of economic humility across the country. My family has been 'humbled and brought very low' in our finances. Through this temporary, but devastating process, we've learned more than ever to be thankful and grateful for every single penny. We are currently grateful for our jobs and the company we work for. We are grateful for our new church home, our new friends and neighbors and we are in the home stretch in terms of change and turmoil. One of the final pieces of this mysterious puzzle is for me to get settled in my work and find a permanent job. I didn't want to do this, I wanted time to RECOVER. I wanted to just be a normal housewife for a while (I say that not to let you think I wanted to stay home and watch TBN - although I would like to occasionally) . I wanted to work at home and build a ministry and nurture our life here in this state. I've never relaxed and been an at home mom or homemaker. (All my at home mom homemaker friends, I'm sure, would be the first to point out that the words 'relaxed' and 'homemaker' should not even be in the same sentence, but I have some kind of romantic idea of the simplicity of it. I think I have have grass-is-greener-syndrome. I've been working very hard since I was 15 and I just wanted this next year to nest, manage our home, take care of my husband, fully devote time to the kids and my father in law when they are here and make our new house an organized clean and cozy home. I've wanted to think about having a child. I'm on the precipice of 40, and time's-a-ticking.
Against my will, but to the urging of my husband, I took a temporary job back in the pharmaceutical industry since we have gone deeply into debt in the past 6 months and were still short each month to pay our bills. Exhausted from this cross country move, if feels like I just got unpacked and went directly into a job. Not only any job, but a temporary job that humbled me further because it's job that is 8 years behind my level of experience. I've had to re-frame my thinking to get through this work situation. (Coach, coach thyself!)
It was SOOOO hard for me to go to work. I owned my own company in Florida for four years where I set my hours and my dress code in our office. (I had a no-dry cleaning policy in our office. Flip-flops (nice ones) were acceptable business casual...). During the move, my mother-in-law was very ill. Since Jaime was already working in PA, Alexa, our oldest daughter, and I went to the hospital daily and brought food for my father in law. After 2 months strait of eating carry out and hospital food before our move, I packed on the stress pounds. I had gained 20 pounds in total. So going to work in the fall in PA I had big time dress code challenges. I now needed to suddenly to wear suits in a highly formal North-Eastern, prudent, conservative work environment. Since starting work in a sedentary job, I gained 5 more. None of my suits fit or were warm enough, we didn't have money for my new wardrobe and I had to buy ...closed-toed shoes. Ugh. Even if I wear two pairs of socks my feet are always cold.
Despite the challenges, I've adapted. I've been in the company for 2 months, and slowly I've been able to choose to count my blessings. I get to work up the hall from my husband and have lunch with him. We are able to drive to work together and for us, that's a great thing. We love to work together.
I prayed for God to show me the beauty of PA and it is slowly happening. We had such a cheering experience the first snow. I prayed for God to give me meaning in this work role, and within 1 week I was plugged in a trans-denominational Christian bible study. I love this, since unity in the body is a recurring and important theme for me. Within 2 months, I have been made a part of their leadership team. The past 2 bible studies at one of the largest companies on the planet, and there I was, facilitating a group that has been together for 2 years. Only GOD, can move such mountains for this little brokenhearted girl. Only God can use the lowly and broken servant and simultaneously give them the desires of their heart.
Working in this job I have learned a few things about myself:
1. I am a proverbs 31 woman. My hands are not idle and I am able to work and still support and honor my husband. I can submit to him so he can be in the spotlight at the city gates. We both can sleep better knowing that we do have the ability to get wealth and we can pay our bills. I help keep his name, now my name, our family name and credit clean because we pay our bills on time.
2. I am a leader. John Maxwell says in his newest book, leadership gold, that a leader can be defined in many ways. Leaders are not always the ones in the position of power, but can still lead those in charge. Leaders can also put themselves in a working position to serve or do whatever it takes for the team, the family, the greater good. Specifically he wrote, "leadership is the ability to submerge your ego for the sake of what is best...is taking responsibility while others are making excuses...is seeing the possibilities in a situation when others are seeing the limitations". By doing so, you inspire others to wash feet along with you.
3. It is my choice to let God's word work through my own mouth.
I didn't 'deserve' these bills. $35,000 worth of debt. Some of our friends like Job's friends, assumed (judged) that we did something wrong. But we knew we had a business that we dedicated to God. We tithed and gave sacrificially, we considered ourselves 'blessed to be a blessing'. Our increasing hard times in front of others, including non-believers, didn't seem like a 'glorious testimony' to the power of God. But the testimony is coming in waves. First, the Holy Spirit of the Living God has lead us to the truth in these scriptures. God's word provided an understanding. Like Job, we sinned only by crying out temporarily in human reaction to our situation. Gods word give us the method of escape if you search it enough and live it, especially when you don't feel it. I realized our FAITH in God above all is our testimony for now. Rising above the storm and keeping our eyes on Jesus, we stayed strong in the Lord in times of trouble and loss and grieving. I promise to glorify God as testimony continually unravels in our lives. I prophecy over our situation declaring, we will have more material signs of restoration. I will carry a position of honor in God's eyes and be raised up in a position God appoints for me at the right time, as Esther was. Our words are life and death. Get a hold of this and prophecy over yourself with the spoken word (rhema) what the logos word declares you can have.
I also have really gotten a hold of the fact that as Christians we have NOTHING to fear in times that seem of trouble. (Joshua 1:9, Joel 18-30). That humility goes before honor and that God restores . (Genesis 39: 2-5) , Job 40:10-17). He will restore what the locusts have stolen and the amount of time you spend (murmuring and complaining) in the wilderness is up to you.
I look forward to my next post so I can keep you informed of HOW God is GOOD and WHAT he does in this vessel's life. Lord...have your way in me.
Why did I post a pretty picture of those lotus flowers on their lilly pads? Because the lovely lotus flower and the beautiful water lilly can only grow in muddy, seemingly stagnant water. There is a theme in nature in being able to arise and shine through seemingly undesirable circumstances. God brings beauty from a pile of ashes and perfects his saints by fiery trial and pruning. There is always loss before there is gain. So I wait in the joyful expectation of what's next...
In His LOVE, Anne
No comments:
Post a Comment